How many of you step out the house, having psyched your reflection up? Then you see a hottie coming and suddenly your hands don’t know what they are doing, your perfect strut turns into a trot because your feet won’t go down right and your eyes remain glued to the ground for the rest of the day, haunted by the hottie, scared to lock eyes with anyone fearing you look like a monster in comparison.
As corny as it sounds, self-confidence really is the most attractive quality. You may think as I did: ‘but I’m not confident’. The thing is, self-confidence is not about how you communicate. It is not loud. Loud screams insecurity. A teacher once wrote that I had “quiet confidence” and it changed my view of myself because I was self-assured and self-confidence is rooted in self-awareness.
My anxiety cost me years, processing my flaws. I was worried that I was physically ugly and socially awkward. I was terrible at taking a compliment which, by the way, can take courage to offer so never reject one. Though, in overcoming my social anxiety using my empowerment technique, physical beauty was irrelevant.
I validated my own kindness and compassion. Self-deprecation will have you forget the moments but you remember the feeling you got from helping someone. I validated, for how bad I am at talking to people, I am good at making people feel listened to. I validated that I am the ultimate hype man for those I meet because I have known those unsure, insecure days. I validated my small good deeds such as smiling and greeting people on the street, sometimes more of a mumble that escapes my mouth due to awkwardness, a personable trait that leaves an impression particularly in cities where people keep to themselves. I validated my worth in all the good I have done, am still capable of and in those around me who I love and am loved deeply by.
This inner spark is enough to ignite the flame of self-confidence that has a plain bitch GLOW-ing.
Sometimes, physically, we forget the luxury of wishing parts, that others may have lost involuntarily, were different. That is not to invalidate your struggle but to remind you, first, the original purpose of these parts and how much these parts have served us.
Treat your body like it belongs to someone you love. It is the product of the two people I love most and to disrespect myself is to disrespect them.
One of my many insecurities: I have a heavy eyelid and my twin doesn’t. No amount of good sleep helps it and I believed it made me the ugly twin. Silly, I know. Want to hear something even sillier? When I would feel insecure, I’d leave the house believing I looked like Hitch after he had that allergic reaction.
However, I get it from my mum and when I look in the mirror, I am reminded of her. I remember when I would feel down, how she would lean in when she talked to me and the ‘sleepy eye’ had a relaxed warmth and charm which comforted me. Especially when she smiled. Now I use mine to charm attack other people.
There are so many intricacies to people added to different genders, races and within those: hair length, hair texture, hair colour, eye colour, eye shape, nose shape, lip shape, jaw shape, height, weight and on and on. A bump on the nose can look dignified, a bigger forehead can appear elegant, full cheeks can be endearing, a sleepy eye can be charming. The one thing that remains and elevates your beauty is your humour, your kindness.
Try to be such a beautiful soul that people crave your vibes because the reality is you are so used to your own features, you don’t realise just how beautiful you might look to a stranger.
With all this in mind, the next time you see someone who would have made your past self feel insecure offer support to this person who themselves may be struggling with enough self-awareness to understand that two beauties can exist alongside each other.
“Just because you are beautiful doesn’t mean I’m not.”
– Your Someone To Remain Quietly Confident With